Sorry I have not been around much lately. Strange things a brew. Not able to talk about much, sufice it to say my creative sand box is probably being taken away VERY soon. Those of you who have been through this before totally understand the code. Those of you who have not...hang in there, I hope to be back soon. I HOPE!!!

I'll do my best to keep up here, but when your personal sand box gets turned into someone elses kitty litter, it's kind of hard to play without someone getting sand in their eyes.

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By now I had planned on posting a huge synopsis of my adventures at SXSW this year, but after going and seeing “We Were Soldiers” with Gianni last night, my mind turns to heavier things.

This movie really hit a little too close to home for me. I cried through pretty much the entire movie. Don’t get me wrong; it was an incredible story and a very powerful retelling of the early days of America’s venture into a long hot dark period known as Vietnam. It was just a little too close to what I had always wanted to know and understand.

The story takes place in 1965 right before our first troops arrived there. The opening 30 minutes or so is spent developing the characters of Lt. Col. Hal Moore and his men in the Air Cavalry First Battalion, 7th Division. Most of the men are right out of college. Some married with families, some with their first born on the way.

In 1965 my Father was a student at The University of Oklahoma and a member of the ROTC. In 1968 he was an Army officer stationed in Stuttgart Germany about to welcome his firstborn. As I watched a scene in the movie where Col. Moore was at the base hospital with one of his men, a first time father, it suddenly hit me that I was watching what life must have been like for my own father in May of ’68.

I know I’m a silly fool, but this is actually the point where I started to cry. I guess you have to know my relationship with my father to really understand why this movie has affected me the way it has. I was 18 months old when Dad traded Germany for Vietnam. And ever since he came back a year later, I have in my own way been trying to break down the walls surrounding him. I’ve been obsessed with war and Vietnam in general simply because I wanted to know him better and I thought that by trying to understand what he went through that it might bring us closer. Our relationship has been a very good one over the last 8 years or so and I think part of that is due to the fact that we are both older. He has had time to heal and deal with things and I have grown to understand just a little better what an incredible individual he is. He is truly my hero.

I understand that the movie last night gave me just a glimpse of why that year has haunted him for so long. The movie did an incredible job of showing the absolute chaos and unbelievable terror that combat must be like. A lot of extreme close ups and fast motion scenes, along with the constant sounds of M16s and AK47s, then throw in a few exploding Napalm bombs being dropped by F-4 Phantoms and A-1E Skyraiders and you have the recipe for Hell.

I once asked my Dad how soldiers are able to control their gut instinct to get the hell out of a situation where your life is being threatened? How they can stand the unending sound of gunfire? How they can survive sleepless weeks at a time? His answer was simple, “We had to. Our training helped a lot, but when you’re there you just have to focus on your job and get through your day”. That's my Father, humble to the end. And I guess that until you actually experience something like this yourself, you have no idea what you can do in this situation.

I'm not a war monger and I believe that senseless killing is wrong, but at the same time I highly respect anyone who loves thier country so much that they can "do thier job". I salute all of our fighting men and women all over the world for "doing their job". It is a job that I would have a hard time doing, but understand and appreciate very much.

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Happy Birthday Baby!!! I love you very much.

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Whew!!! I've literally, just arrived back home from SXSW. Actually I'm still trying to catch my breath as I type this.

Hmmm, what can I say? This years SXSW was, for me, even better than my first SXSW last year. A lot of new faces, a lot of old faces and a ton of fun things to do and see.
Oh yes and an absolute butt load of walking. I wish I had taken one of those small handheld odometers with me so I could have counted off how many miles we all walked this weekend. I did however take my own advice this year and tried to stick with comfort over fashion. My feet are thanking me right now.

I'm downloading my pictures off of my camera and will post them later as I gather my thoughts.

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I'm so excited!! I work a half day tomorrow and then Dink and I are headed down to Austin to catch up with a bunch of you at SXSW.

I just wish I had a lap top so I could keep up with everything that will be going on down there. Guess I'll have to take some really good notes so I can make a few marathon posts when I return.

I'm really looking forward to meeting a whole new group that might not have gotten to attend last year. I'm also looking forward to catching back up with a few friends I had the pleasure of meeting last time.

If you get to go and you're looking for something to do after 20x2 Monday night, please join myself and my fellow DFW Bloggers for a drink.

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I cannot find the words to describe how I feel after reading this article from The Dallas Morning News that one of my co-workers sent me today.

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Since I'm in the SXSW mood and NOT in the WORK mood, I thought I'd get my checklist ready for Friday.

1. Remember to take the comfortable shoes, not the fashionable 3-inch heels. Walking up and down the hill of Sixth Street after Midnight in search of food is a real BITCH in a pair of nice looking "grab me Fu*$ me boots".

2. Same thing goes for sandals...see above if you need a refresher.

3. Although a pedicure 2 nights before I head for SXSW sounded like a really good idea last year, It WAS NOT. Soft silky smooth skin = soar feet and blister.

4. Take a nice ballcap because no matter how long you spend on your hair, the humid muggy Austin weather will make it look like crap within a matter of second.

5. Bring plenty of business cards. They are great for writing your personal URL on the back and passing around at parties and recruiting events. What the hell else are you going to do with the 500 business cards sitting on your desk anyway?

And most importantly, remember that your web heroes are people too. Go up and talk to them instead of drooling from afar. I was so overwhelmed by all of the sheer talent in the “collective” room most of the time that I didn’t take a moment to walk up to the cool people I admire tell them that “I get it”. I totally understand why they love what they do and that I too love what they and I do.

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It's disappointing when a friend lets you down or at least you feel like they have. I have a friend that I thought had a pretty good head on their shoulders. They made sound decisions and had high morals. I just found out that they do not, however practice what they preach.

Its disappointing when you hear people talk badly about other people and then they turn around and do exactly what they had just thought was so despicable it made them ill to think about. I don't think it's a case of double standards though, I see how this person cannot look into my eyes anymore. I see how they act sheepishly and carry their head low. I know that they are eaten up inside with remorse.

I have not even gone to this friend yet and let them tell me what is wrong. Maybe I'm totally off, but when you are approached by 3 separate people who are thinking and feeling the same way you are, your fears have been confirmed.

I guess my friend really hasn't let me down, she's let herself down. I see it on her face. She dares not speak of it to me, but I see with my own eyes and hear with my own ears and I after all, I am a woman with some degree of intuition. She does not need to come to me and tell me to confirm my fears for her. Her face already has.

My friend will remember very shortly exactly why she talked badly about others in her same position now. She will remember the terrible things she said about what they were doing to their families and others around them. Deceit is difficult to live with. Deceit makes it hard for you to look in the mirror and like what you see staring back at you.

At times like this I remember how lucky I am to have a loving husband and confidant. One person in the world that I will always trust and I know practices what he preaches. And a person who mutually respects me. I have that from Gianni and I will always be able to look in the mirror and see a person looking back at me that has respect for herself.

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